Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Dictionary for Women

Thanks to Kaf for this:

Airhead (er*hed) n. What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman.

Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n. A discussion that occurs when you're right, but he just hasn't realized it yet.

Balance the checkbook (bal*ens da chek*buk) v. To go to the cash machine and hit "inquire."

Bar-be-que (bar*bi*q) n. You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleanedeverything up, but he "made the dinner."

Blond jokes (blond joks) n. Jokes that are short so men can understand them.

Cantaloupe (kant*e*lope) n. Gotta get married in a church.

Clothes dryer (kloze dri*yer) n. An appliance designed to eat socks.

Diet soda (dy*it so*da) n. A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half pound bag of M&Ms.

Eternity (e*ter*ni*tee) n. The last two minutes of a football game.

Exercise (ex*er*siz) v. To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.

Grocery List (grow*ser*ee list) n. What you spend an hour and a half writing, then forget to take it with you to the store.

Hair Dresser (hare dres*ser) n. Someone who is able to create a style that you will never be able to duplicate. See "Magician."

Hardware Store (hard*war stor) n. Similar to a black hole in space-if he goes in, he isn't coming out anytime soon.

Childbirth (child*brth) n. You get to go through 30 hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say, "Focus... breathe... push..."

Lipstick (lip*stik) n. On your lips: color to enhance the beauty of your mouth. On his collar: coloring only a tramp would wear.

Park (park) v/n. Before children, a verb meaning "to go somewhere and neck." After children, a noun meaning a place with a swing set and a slide.

Patience (pa*shens)n. The most important ingredient for dating, marriage, and children. See also "tranquilizers."

Valentine's Day (val*en*tinz dae) n. A day when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner, diamonds and romance, but consider yourself lucky to geta card.

Waterproof Mascara (Wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah) n. Comes off if you cry, shower or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it.

Zillion (zil*yen) n. The number of times you ask someone to take out the trash, then end up doing it yourself anyway.


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