Wednesday, April 02, 2008

More ways to know when you're getting old

In a fit of posting enthusiasm today, I submit the following:

1) Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work.
2) The gleam in your eyes is the sun hitting your bi-focals.
3) You feel like the morning after and you haven't been anywhere.
4) Your little black book contains only names ending in MD.
5) You get winded playing cards.
6) Your children begin to look middle-aged.
7) You finally reach the top of the ladder, and find it leaning against the wrong wall.
8) Your mind makes contracts your body can't keep.
9) A dripping tap causes an uncontrollable urge.
10) You have all the answers, but nobody asks the questions.
11) You look forward to a dull evening.
12) You need glasses to find your glasses.
13) Your favourite part of the newspaper is "20 Years Ago Today".
14) You turn out the lights for economic rather than romantic reasons.
15) You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
16) Your knees buckle but your belt won't.
17) You regret all those mistakes you made resisting temptation.
18) You're 17 round the neck, 42 round the waist, and 95 round the golf course.
19) Your back goes out more than you do.
20) You put your bra on back to front and find that it fits better.
21) A fortune teller offers to read your face.
22) Your pacemaker makes the garage door go up when you see a pretty girl.
23) The little old grey haired lady you help across the road is your wife.
24) You have too much room in the house not enough in your medicine cabinet.
25) You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there.
26) Your birthday cake collapses under the weight of candles.
27) You get all your exercise acting as pallbearer for your friends.

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