Friday, October 20, 2006

Buzzwords for the New Millenium

TESTICULATING. Waving your arms around and talking Bollocks.

BLAMESTORMING. Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

SEAGULL MANAGER. A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.

ASSMOSIS. The process by which people seem to absorb success and advancement by sucking up to the boss rather than working hard.

SALMON DAY. The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die.

CUBE FARM. An office filled with cubicles.

PRAIRIE DOGGING. When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see that's going on.

SITCOMs. Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they ave children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids or start a "home business".

SINBAD. Single working girls. Single income, no boyfriend and desperate.

STRESS PUPPY. A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.

PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE. The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

ADMINISPHERE. The rarefied organisational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the "adminisphere" are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve. This is often affiliated with the dreaded "administrivia" - needless paperwork and processes.

404. Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message
"404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located.

OHNOSECOND. That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake (e.g. you've hit 'reply all', or pressed "delete").

BEER COAT. The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a booze cruise at 3am.

BEER COMPASS. The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home fter booze cruise, even though you're too drunk to remember where you live, how you got here, and where you've come from.

JOHNNY-NO-STARS. A young man of substandard intelligence, the typical adolescent who works in a burger restaurant. The 'no-stars' comes from the badges displaying stars that staff at fast-food restaurants often wear to show their level of training.

MILLENNIUM DOMES. The contents of a Wonderbra, i.e. extremely impressive when viewed from the outside, but there's actually nothing in there worth seeing.

MONKEY BATH. A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go: "Oo!Oo!Oo! Aa!Aa!Aa!".

PEARL HARBOUR. Cold (weather). An example of it would be - "It's a bit Pearl Harbor" out there (there's a nasty nip in the air).

PICASSO BUM. A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks like she's got four buttocks.

SALAD DODGER. An excellent phrase for an overweight person

2 Comments:

At 3:04 PM, Blogger Sarah O. said...

Fine list, wys. I'll admit to being a SITCOM and a stress puppy. I won't admit to some others. Even to myself.

Hey, it's Spring Down Under! Or do you call it Fall? Anyway, we've already seen snow. Much more of that to come shortly.

 
At 11:17 PM, Blogger Leetie said...

I'm sure Johnny Urinalcakes will appreciate Johnny-no-stars as much as I do (Johnny Urinalcakes, the same general concept, being the person in charge of stocking urinals with mints). :)

Plus it has a wonderful Buckaroo Banzai feeling to it.

 

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