e-Mail Disclaimers

I was going to adopt this one for my signature block:

"This email is a totally natural product. Any spelling or grammatical variations are not defects but rather a reflection of the uniqueness of this product."

...but then someone sent me this one:

"IMPORTANT: This email may contain information that is confidential, privileged, or unsuitable for overly sensitive persons with low self-esteem, no sense of humour or irrational religious beliefs. If you are not the intended recipient, any dissemination, distribution or copying of this email is not authorised (either explicitly or implicitly) and constitutes an irritating social faux pas. Unless the word absquatulation has been used in its correct context somewhere other than in this warning, it does not have any legal or grammatical use and may be ignored. No animals were harmed in the transmission of this email, although the mutt next door is living on borrowed time, let me tell you. Those of you with an overwhelming fear of the unknown will be gratified to learn that there is no hidden message revealed by reading this warning backwards, so just ignore that Alert Notice from Microsoft. However, by pouring a complete circle of salt around yourself and your computer you can ensure that no harm befalls you. If you have received this email in error, please add some nutmeg and egg whites and place it in a warm oven. If you are the intended recipient, you may forward this e-mail, it wont breach any copyright of mine."