At last....

...we get a chance to have a go at the frog ourselves!

Things my mother taught me

An oldie, but a goodie.

Top 10 things men know about women

SNORK!

Guess I'll have to wait until 2015....

100 Reasons

....why it's great to be a guy.

I've been tagged....

...thanks to Marvin.

1 - Imagine it’s 2015. You are visiting the library at a major research university. You go over to a computer terminal (or whatever it is they use in 2015) that gives you immediate access to any book or journal article on any topic you want. What do you look up? In other words, what do you hope somebody will have written in the meantime?

Well, I'd go and read all Dave's books. They don't sell them in Australia, so I've never had a chance to read any, let alone have any signed. But in answer to the direct question, I'd go to find a book titled something like "The complete, accurate, true and reliable guide to understanding women and how to bend then to your will". But it'll never happen.

2 - What is the strangest thing you’ve ever heard or seen at a conference? No names, please. Refer to “Professor X” or “Ms. Y” if you must. Double credit if you were directly affected. Triple if you then said or did something equally weird.

I've been to a few conferences, mostly computer related. There are lots of strange things there, most of them are the other conference delegates. But perhaps the strangest thing was seeing a cartoonist at one - he was a sort of quick-draw support for a comedy show here called "Hey Hey Its Saturday". He was doing free drawings of people that wanted to sit still long enough.

So I had a go.

He said: "What impresses you most about the conference".

I responded: "All the beautiful women whose whole job it is to suck up to you long enough to thrust their product brochure into your hands". He laughed and then did a characture of me surrounded by busty beautiful women waving brochures. I think I still have the cartoon somewhere. Probably in the shed....

3 - Name a writer, scholar, or otherwise worthy person you admire so much that meeting him or her would probably reduce you to awestruck silence.

Someone that I admire so much. Hmmmm. I'm not easily impressed, let alone reduced to speechlessness, as many people will readily tell you. I think Albert Einstein - he's impressive enough, I admire him enough, but (given my HS maths scores) the speechlessness would come from my not understanding a word he was saying.

4 - What are two or three blogs or other Web sites you often read that don’t seem to be on many people’s radar?

Well, Marvin's blog for one. He has to be watched. Constantly. And I'm an avid follower of Non-Sequitur.

Now....Who's next in line.... Ah! I know:

Morgan's Doglog.

And I put in a second vote for Wurm's blog - it is completely unsatisfactory to create a whole blog just so you can be the first to post on it, and then abandon it.

The birthday paradox

Did you know that if you get 60 people into one room there is a 99% probability that they two of them will have the same birthday? Me neither.

Some interesting observations...

(thanks to Brian B.)

1. Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.

2. Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

3. I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it. So I said "Implants?"

4. I don't do drugs. I get the same effect just standing up fast.

5. Sign in a Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea..."

6. I live in my own little world. But it's OK. They know me here.

7. I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.

8. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

9. I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get elected.

10. There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and Shithead's.

11. I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

12. I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; theref ore, I am perfect.

13. Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I have stayed alive.

14. How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

15. Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?

16. Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?

17. Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.

18. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!"

19. A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Damn..that was fun!"-

20. I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!

21. When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky dunk."

22. The worst thing about accidents in the kitchen is eating them

23. Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.

24. Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over?

25. Stress is when you wake up screaming and then you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.

26. My husband says I never listen to him (at least I think that's what he said).

27. Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

28. If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called LABOR!

29. Wouldn't you know it...Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever

For those of you that feel they could be more organised...

...a list of checklists.

For some reason....

I find THIS disturbingly mesmerising.

Hint: If she gets stuck, pick her up with your mouse and fling her.

(Thanks to Brian B.)