Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Some more "...walks into a bar..." jokes

One similar to the duck joke:

A grasshopper jumps into a bar. The bartenders says "Hey! You're quite a celebrity around here! We even have a drink named after you!". The grasshopper says "You have a drink called Steve??"

The obligatory lawyer version:

A guy carrying an alligator walks into a bar. "Do you serve lawyers here?" he asks. "Sure do", says the barkeep. "Great", says the guy, "Get me a beer, and I'll have a lawyer for my alligator".

Very subtle one:

A woman walks into a bar and asks the barman for a "double entendre". So he gave her one.

The term "irony"...

...defined in a photograph:

I wonder what his chances of surviving the night are?

Thursday, May 24, 2007

The Duck

A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of lager and a ham sandwich.

The landlord looks at him and says, "But you're a duck!"

"Your eyes work", replies the duck, wryly.

"And you talk!" exclaims the landlord.

"And your ears", says the duck.

"Now can I have my beer and my sandwich please?"

"Certainly", says the landlord, "sorry about that... it's just we don't get many ducks in this pub. What are you doing round this way?"

"I'm working on the building site across the road", explains the duck.

The landlord watches, astounded, as the duck drinks his beer, eats his sandwich and leaves. The duck visits regularly for 2 weeks.

Then one day the circus comes to town.

The owner of the circus comes into the pub and the landlord says to him, "You're with the circus aren't you? I know this duck that would be just brilliant in your circus - he talks, drinks beer and everything!".

"Sounds marvellous", says the owner, "get him to give me a call".

So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the landlord says, "Hey Mr. Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money!"

"Yeah?", says the duck, "Sounds great, where is it?"

"At the circus", says the landlord.

"The circus?", the duck enquires, a bit bemused.

"That's right", replies the landlord.

"What, the place with the big tent? Big canvas roof, hole in the middle, loads of animals?" asks the duck.

"That's right!", says the landlord

The duck looks confused. "Why would they want a plasterer?"

Friday, May 18, 2007

Never tick off a guy who owns a backhoe...

Monday, May 14, 2007

Neat trick photo

Looks like a soldier, doesn't it....

Now highlight the photo by clicking outside the picture and then dragging dragging across it....the soldier reveals his inner girl.

Neat eh?


For those of you like Bis that can't see the effect, this is what it looks like when you highlight the photo:

Saturday, May 05, 2007

Oh dear

This hits a BIT to close to home for comfort....

Thanks to Jim Meyerson for sending me this.

Friday, May 04, 2007

How to know if your feet smell....

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

There must be an easier way...

Follow these steps:

1 Click on this link

2 Click on "Get Directions" (top of page)

3 Type "New York" in the first box (the "from" box)

4 Type "London" in the second box (the "to" box)

5 Click on "Get Directions" (same line)

6 Have a look at direction #24

I also wonder why they decide to take you through part of France?