Winter comes to Canberra

Well, not winter actually, a severe thunderstorm that dropped an inch or so of hail on the city centre last night:



UPDATE: more photos are circulating of the storm. The image below of the storm was taken in Yass, a small country town about 50 miles from Canberra:

Why men are happier

Men Are Just Happier People. Amongst other reasons:

1. Your last name stays put.
2. The garage is all yours.
3. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
4. Chocolate is just another snack.
5. You can be Prime Minister.
6. You can never be pregnant.
7. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
8. You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
9. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
10. The world is your urinal.
11. You never have to drive to another petrol station toilet because this one is just too icky.
12. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
13. Same work, more pay.
14. Wrinkles add character.
15. Wedding dress~$5000, tux rental~$100.
16. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
17. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
18. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
19. One mood all the time.
20. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
21. You know stuff about tanks.
22. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
23. You can open all your own jars.
24. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
25. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
26. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
27. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
28. You almost never have strap problems in public.
29. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
30. Everything on your face stays its original colour.
31. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
32. You only have to shave your face and neck.
33. You can play with toys all your life.
34. Your belly usually hides your big hips.
35. One wallet and one pair of shoes one colour for all seasons.
36. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
37. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.
38. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.
39. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

One Liners

1. Two blondes walk into a building.......... you'd think at least one of them would have seen it.

2. Phone answering machine message - "...If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key..."

3. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

4. I went to the butchers and I bet him $50 that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said: "No, the steaks are too high."

5. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.

6. I went to a seafood disco last week...... and pulled a muscle.

7. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

8. Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.

9. Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head. Doc says: "I'll give you some cream to put on it."

10. 'Doc, I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home'. "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome". 'Is it common?'. "It's not unusual."

11. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him". So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says: "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy".

12. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

13. So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?". I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it."

18. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my Mum or my Dad, or my older brother Colin, or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu? But I think its Colin.

19. Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other "Your round." The other one says: "So are you, you fat bast**d!"

20. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

21. You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine'. So that was nice.

22. A man walked into the doctors, he said, "I've hurt my arm in several places". The doctor said, "Well don't go there anymore"

23. Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night.

An Inspirational Message

I believe in these difficult and mean-spirited times in which we live there needs to be a message of hope.

Just a single image that speaks to us of love, harmony, peace and joy.

An image that suggests the universal brotherhood of man.

I have found that image, and I ask that all of you take a moment to reflect on it.

(You may have to click on the image to see it clearly)

...and on a lighter, Valentine's day, note....

Once upon a time in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle.

The frog hopped into the princess' lap and said:

"Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that I am. And then, my sweet, we can marry and set up housekeeping in your castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so."

That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on lightly sauteed frog legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled and thought to herself:

"I don't frickin' think so!"

Daddy's Poem

Sort of tugs at the heartstrings this one, but I think a worthwhile message to pass on.

-----------------------------

Her hair was up in a pony tail,
her favorite dress tied with a bow.
Today was Daddy's Day at school,
and she couldn't wait to go.

But her mommy tried to tell her,
that she probably should stay home.
Why the kids might not understand,
if she went to school alone.

But she was not afraid;
she knew just what to say.
What to tell her classmates
of why he wasn't there today.

But still her mother worried,
for her to face this day alone.
And that was why once again,
she tried to keep her daughter home.

But the little girl went to school
eager to tell them all.
About a dad she never sees
a dad who never calls.

There were daddies along the wall in back,
for everyone to meet.
Children squirming impatiently,
anxious in their seats

One by one the teacher called
a student from the class.
To introduce their daddy,
as seconds slowly passed.

At last the teacher called her name,
every child turned to stare.
Each of them was searching,
for a man who wasn't there.

"Where's her daddy at?"
She heard a boy call out.
"She probably doesn't have one,"
another student dared to shout.

And from somewhere near the back,
she heard a daddy say,
"Looks like another deadbeat dad,
too busy to waste his day."

The words did not offend her,
as she smiled up at her Mom.
And looked back at her teacher,
who told her to go on.

And with hands behind her back,
slowly she began to speak.
And out from the mouth of a child,
came words incredibly unique.

"My Daddy couldn't be here,
because he lives so far away.
But I know he wishes he could be,
since this is such a special day.

And though you cannot meet him,
I wanted you to know.
All about my daddy,
and how much he loves me so.

He loved to tell me stories
he taught me to ride my bike.
He surprised me with pink roses,
and taught me to fly a kite.

We used to share fudge sundaes,
and ice cream in a cone.
And though you cannot see him.
I'm not standing here alone.

'Cause my daddy's always with me,
even though we are apart
I know because he told me,
he'll forever be in my heart.

With that, her little hand reached up,
and lay across her chest.
Feeling her own heartbeat,
beneath her favourit dress.

And from somewhere there in the crowd of dads,
her mother stood in tears.
Proudly watching her daughter,
who was wise beyond her years.

For she stood up for the love
of a man not in her life.
Doing what was best for her,
doing what was right.

And when she dropped her hand back down,
staring straight into the crowd.
She finished with a voice so soft,
but its message clear and loud.

"I love my daddy very much,
he's my shining star.
And if he could, he'd be here,
but heaven's just too far.

You see he is a Marine
and died just this past year
When a roadside bomb hit his convoy
and taught Americans to fear.

But sometimes when I close my eyes,
it's like he never went away.
And then she closed her eyes,
and saw him there that day.

And to her mothers amazement,
she witnessed with surprise.
A room full of daddies and children,
all starting to close their eyes.

Who knows what they saw before them,
who knows what they felt inside.
Perhaps for merely a second,
they saw him at her side.

"I know you're with me Daddy,"
to the silence she called out.
And what happened next made believers,
of those once filled with doubt.

Not one in that room could explain it,
for each of their eyes had been closed.
But there on the desk beside her,
was a fragrant long-stemmed pink rose.

And a child was blessed, if only for a moment,
by the love of her shining star.
And given the gift of believing,
that heaven is never too far.

They say it takes a minute to find a special
person, an hour to appreciate them,
a day to love them, but then an entire
life to forget them.

Send this to the people you'll never forget and
remember to send it also to the person that sent
it to you. It's a short message to let them know
that you'll never forget them.

If you don't send it to anyone, it means you're
in a hurry and that you've forgotten your friends.
Take the time...to live and love.
Until eternity. God bless!

The Marriage Test

I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream!

There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.

I was in total shock and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me.

I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car. My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.

The moral of this story is:

"Always keep your condoms in your car."

This is pretty cool....

Synchronised Swimming Goldfish

...but as the owner of goldfish myself, and thereby having an awareness that they are not, let us say, the sharpest knives in the drawer, I have to wonder if "Get a LIFE!" has any meaning to these people?

I got a hundred of 'em, every one a gem....

Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle.

The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time.

The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return.

Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three suitors, she decides to be kind and tells them, "The first one who can use the words 'liver' and 'cheese' together in an imaginative, intelligent sentence can go out with me."

The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly and says, "I love liver and cheese."

"Oh, how childish," said the Poodle. "That shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever."

She turns to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever and says "How well can you do?"

"Um. I HATE liver and cheese," blurts the Golden Retriever.

"My, my," said the Poodle. "I guess it's hopeless. That's just as dumb as the Lab's sentence."

She then turns to the last of the three dogs and says, "How about you, little guy?"

The last of the three, tiny in stature but big in fame and finesse, is the Taco Bell Chihuahua.

He gives her a smile, a sly wink, turns to the Golden Retriever and the Lab and says...





wait for it....





wait for it......






He says.............





"Liver alone. Cheese mine."

Australia Day Photo

Fireworks, Lightning, Sunset, a Comet, and the Beach all in one image - taken in Perth on Australia's south-west coast.

In addition to the obvious features in the photo, just to the right of the fireworks, up the sky there is the third - McNaught's Comet. You might have to click on the image to get the enlarged version to see it better.

Pity of it is that the cloud is hiding a lot of the tail, and by the 26th, the comet had faded significantly. When I saw it with my kids about a week earlier, it was absolutely stunning - more like this:

Definitions of Designations in an IT business

1) Project Manager is a Person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in One month.

2) Developer is a Person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a Baby.

3) On-site Coordinator is one who thinks a single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.

4) Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby.

5) Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.

6) Resource Optimization Team thinks they don't need a man or woman; they'll produce a child with zero resources.

7) Documentation Team thinks they don't care whether the child is delivered, they'll just document 9 months.

8) Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with the PROCESS to produce a baby.

And lastly.................

9) Tester is a person who always tells his wife that this is not the Right baby

-----------------------

As a Project Manager by profession, I of course take offence to the first one - only a junior PM would think such a thing. In reality the PM is handed some BS atrifical business requirement to deliver a baby in one month with 9 resources (assuming resource optimisation hasn't caught up to him yet).

So what does he do? He puts the best face he can on the situation through constant optimistic reporting during the nine month unavoidable delay ("No, we haven't got the baby yet, but things are looking much more promising than they were last month"), and claiming a remarkable success when he delivers 9 times the expected output.

Tricks of the trade, children, just tricks of the trade...