Further thought for the day

"We are driving the bus of our own destiny. Of course, we lost the map, we're low on gas, and the restrooms need cleaning." - Bob Tzu, long lost American cousin of Lao Tzu.

Turtle Attack

I think all my illusions about turtles being slow moving, inoffensive creatures were just destroyed by this clip.

Thought for the Day

"In dwelling, live close to the ground. In thinking, keep to the simple. In conflict, be fair and generous. In governing, don't try to control. In work, do what you enjoy. In family life, be completely present."

Lao Tzu

As one of my sisters said: "Easy to quote, hard to live up to".

Twenty Lessons Learnt From Monty Python

Never let it be said that they weren't an inspiration.

Cyborg Name Decoder

This is a bit of fun.

W.Y.S.I.W.Y.G.: Worker Yearning for Sabotage, Immediate Warfare and Yearly Gratification

What tha....only Yearly?!?

UPDATE:

I see what the problem is now - I was using the wrong name generator.

W.Y.S.I.W.Y.G.: Wonderful Your Stud Imparting Worship and Yummy Gratification

Thought of the week...

...for those with a more dominant attitude towards inter-personal communications:

"When I want your opinion, I'll remove the duct tape..."

A Call to Arms

A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first.

This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole keeps improving by the regular culling of the weakest members..

In much the same way, the human brain can operate only as fast as the slowest brain cells.

Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills off brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.

In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker cells, constantly making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.

The results of this in-depth epidemiological study verifies and validates the causal link between all-weekend parties and engineering performance.

It also explains why, after a few short years of leaving university and getting married, most engineers cannot keep up with the performance of the new graduates.

Only those few that stick to the strict regimen of voracious alcoholic consumption can maintain the intellectual levels that they achieved during their university years.

So, this is a call to arms. As our country is losing its technological edge we should not shudder in our homes.

Get back into the bars! Quaff that pint! Your company and country need you to be at your peak, and you shouldn't deny yourself the career that you could have.

Be all that you can be!

Wisdom of the Ages

Some of my favourites from this site of some 7000-odd:

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.

The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.

My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

Some people say "If you can't beat them, join them". I say "If you can't beat them, beat them", because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

I always take life with a grain of salt, ...plus a slice of lemon, ...and a shot of tequila.

With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.

I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well."

I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

Women should not have children after 35. Really... 35 children are enough.

What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull.

According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgemental, where, of course, men are just grateful.

I'm in shape. Round is a shape isn't it?

Haikus are easy. But sometimes they don't make sense. Refrigerator.

...and last but not least....*ba DUM Tish*:

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.